she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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