i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
