Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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