i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
