Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
