Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
