My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
