mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
