It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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