He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
