he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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