Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
