a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
