he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
