First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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