He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
