Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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