That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
