hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
