I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
