I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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