Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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