so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
