fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
