yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
