He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
