I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
