I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
