he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
