If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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