please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
