ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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