i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
