You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
