We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
