so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
