also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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