I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
