Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
