i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
