Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
