Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
