so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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