I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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