Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
