I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
