oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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