I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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