super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
