Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
